Crap

Heres the script for the GP/PW presentation today starring none other than our very own 'C' rep. =)
It is most unfortunate that some of the ideas inherent in the script, he had failed to bring out though...so heres it in its original form as written by the assistant 'C' rep. Hope ya have as much fun reading it as I had writing it!
(pardon the crankiness and lameness of the script - it was written on Fri night/Sat morn *ahem* 1am, so yea..)
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Hello, my name is Jackie! Last time, I was terrorist ah. Eh…with that organisation with the funny name..something like Jar-yah Is-lah-mar liddat.

So…why I join terrorist ah?
Cus ah my life damn sian, then people oso always niao me. Especially my mother ah, not only say I damn fat, but oso everyday nag, make me out until very bad liddat, demoralize me. Home become not like home, everyday feel like not welcome there liddat. So ah, I think leave home not bad idea sia.
Then ah, my life oso damn boring, everyday slack slack slack, mug mug mug….wah buay tahan! Become terrorist ah, can get to run around, hide in jungle, and bomb people. Even more exciting than computer game, damn shiok ah!
Down there ah, also can find purpose in life. Here ah, I lead the life so damn depressing and sian that everyday 活得没有意思这样. Be terrorist, got goal to fight for, then everyday become meaningful ah!
Join the Jar-yah Is-lah-mar also gimme social status. Freedom fighter – the name damn zai right?

Being in such a HUGE organisation also help me alleviate loneliness. My life damn sadded and lonely, my relationship with my mother a bit the strained, then very few people wan friend me…also ah, I got trouble finding an other half…kena turned down cus she say I can do “only 2 pull-ups ah?”, and say I stink. End up she go find some random guy who can do 7 pull-ups and hang around him all day…make me feel damn sad and heartbroken…so I go seek solace with other people…people who welcome me like I part of their big farmily liddat.

So, I join the local camp of the organisation arh, then do some basic training there…hopefully can get fit at same time oso and win her over from that disgustingly effeminate retard…Then, one day got chance, apply to go overseas for Reach Middle-East Summer Camp Programme, then suka suka get in ah! Wah, damn happy ah! Can go to Afghanistan and Iraq for enrichment courses and actually shio pah ah, feel like hero liddat ah!

Down there, the training damn shiok; last time ah, my maths, chem and physics always get sub-pass or ungraded one, then now after training already, can even build bomb ah! At first, they made me in charge of the weapons….then I get to use all sort of guns – guns that I had only seen in book before ah….wah…so exciting….suka suka kill people, don’t even need friend help me. Then ah, cus I damn pro, they make me in charge of training those newbies, everyday pump them pump until damn shuang.

Den, they ask me go back help set up new training site in my home country – and put me in charge ah! First thing I do when I get off the plane is of course go visit her lar. She see I become damn muscular and tan ah, she damn 吓到and kena mesmerized liddat. At first ah, she comforting that guy, who apparently flunked a mathematics test..aiyoh…last time mabbe I will flunk, but now ah, I so zai, no chance lar! Lucky的话can even go IMO show off ah! Then after she stun 住, I do seventeen pull-ups for her to see, wah…she damn excited, rush over come hug-hug me, happily dao-ing that poor guy, haha.

But ah, after a few months of enjoying my new-found love life ah, duno why suddenly so damn suay, kena caught by police. Then ah, they threaten to put me in jail for five years. Siao! How can? Liddat ah, my girl feel so lonely, sure go find back that guy one…and there’s no telling what can happen in five years, I mean well, a lot has happened in the past few months already…Then, my future also sure GNA-ed one, sit in jail for five years, come out everything oso donno, then cannot find job oso, become damn failure liddat; even if my girl wait for me, I also no face to see her.

Lucky ah, the police say ah, outside the terrorist too much already, they need help to catch ‘em all. So ah, they agree to reduce my sentence if I cooperate with them. So, I did! So ah, I tell them that the Koran say cannot anyhow kill civilians, and that some of the bombings ah, like the Barley one and church one, make me feel damn upset. Thus, I tired of the lies already and prepared to 大义灭亲.

It was a good move. I only need to spend ten months in jail, then somemore get early release cus my behaviour damn good. Then the gahment see I kena reformed already, enlist my help to help to reform the other terrorists when I got out, damn shiok, just come out got job already, quite prestigious and meaningful somemore, then my girl damn proud of me. So far ah, I managed to convince over twenty-four of my friends to turn over new leaf, become good guy. Then I oso zam the Jar-yah Is-la-mar damn hard in the media.

But then ah, I don’t really think what they all do is wrong…my girl say ah they kill the innocent people all damn poor thing, and ah they damn bad…so ah, this aspect sure is wrong one. However, their goal oso got setting up of Islamic state, and waging a …whats that word ah…jared…jahat…ah…jihad(!) against those ang moh soldiers. I think ah, those should be acceptable, cus ah them ang mohs no like us, and invade our land first, then oso kill our people, so say they innocent ah, is like telling Joel he’s damn skinny liddat.

But now I suddenly feel damn sad. Talking all about those former comrades that kena betrayed by me make me feel a bit the bad, cus after all, they enabled me to enjoy a good time, and oso indirectly helped me win back my girl ah…so I think now….I-I go home and cry…*sobs*
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~Fight~